Cups Up, Brims Down - Tea and Hats

After what had seemed like forever, the day was finally here. A ladies' tea was an occasion for which suit, stole, pumps, earrings, brooch, handbag, gloves, handkerchief, and hat were de rigueur. For this occasion, I would be privileged to "help" my beloved grandmother pull out her hatboxes and select just the right hat. Even though she would never admit it, there were quite a few attendees waiting to see in what stylish ensemble she would appear. It was always worth the wait.

After Gram finished, she then would share her abundant hat collection with my mother, aunts, and other close family friends attending the event. As I watched them, I looked forward to the day that I too would join them in this feminine rite of passage. In the meantime, this studious pupil took notes. Something happened to these ladies the moment they put on hat and heels. The confidence they exuded was more tangible than the perfume that wafted softly behind them. I learned that both scent and hats were intoxicating. So began my hat affinity.

It Just Takes One

Hats do more than cover our heads, say mercifully hiding a hair experiment gone awry. When a person puts on a hat, that same person makes a statement. From a low-brimmed Yankee fitted lid to a church-worthy chapeau, the hat is the accessory that expresses our individual style. Hats are the silent supplements that announce what's going on underneath. Even though I agree with the saying, "the price of your hat isn't the measure of your brain," a hat does convey a mental attitude. In turn this attitude, like volume, is unique and can be set as high or low as the wearer chooses. Therefore, there is a hat for every head.

Heady Notions

There are fewer things more handsome than a man and his fedora, e.g. Fred Astaire. However, men generally remove their hats upon entering a building. We women, on the other hand, have much latitude to when and how we wear our hats. Whenever another woman approaches me, shares a hat compliment with me, but then says that she herself doesn't look good in hats, that troubles me. These ladies also tend to be uncomfortable in receiving compliments or favorable attention. When encountered, I share what my feminine role models taught me:

1. Others mirror the value that we place on ourselves.
2. Try the hat on before dismissing it.
3. Remember you are wearing the hat.
4. When you find the hat that makes you smile, that's the one.

We wear our hats because we can. Whether simple or ornate, our creative millinery expressions are bound only by our imaginations. As long as our confidence is able to carry the hat without it carrying us, we'll do just fine. Speaking of fine, please take another look in the mirror. Make sure that you like what you see and then go have a cup of tea.

Cup of Tea & Courtesy

Facing reality often precedes our taking necessary action. As difficult as it was for me to admit this privately, I do so now publicly: Common courtesy is not common. Based on the daily personal interactions both witnessed and shared, I wonder if we as a society have collectively decided that courtesy is now optional.

Courtesy Defined

By its definition, courtesy is "a respectful or considerate act or expression" (please see www.dictionary.com). Courtesy then has very little to do with whether one agrees with or even likes another individual. It represents a conscious decision to treat someone else as most of us seek to be treated. Namely, we most seek to be:

> Respected
> Valued
> Loved

Earlier this week I attended a lecture where the speaker said that he's noticing how the Internet, with its accompanying veil of anonymity, emboldens us to become more insulting and rude. Contemplating this, I grow chilled at the thought of perhaps becoming a tech-savvy interpersonal barbarian. Firm, decisive action is vital.

With Sincere Apologies

As humans, we all make mistakes. An apology is the way we express our remorse, we take responsibility for our "off speech", and we counteract the insults and/or injuries we've caused others. Even though the apology does not erase the event itself, an apology acknowledges that the event occurred.

In my opinion, someone offering no apology is better than one tossing out an insincere one. Regardless of the recipient's acceptance or rejection, people can easily distinguish the difference between the two. A sincere apology starts the healing process. In contrast, an insincere apology delivers another blow to an already open wound.

Tea & Courtesy

Growing up, I along with other children received etiquette instruction via attending tea parties. The adults and relatives who chaperoned us were very strict about us children quickly making amends over any given offense, i.e. "say you're sorry".

Indeed, I confess to having had an adult sometimes make me say that I was sorry. As a child, I reasoned that a) it was wrong to lie and b) two wrongs don't make a right. The response to this precocious display of rationale? Apologize and learn how to treat everyone courteously.

Children are excusable because they are immature. Adults set the example for them to follow. So, may every cup of tea strengthen our collective resolve to be courteous only under these conditions:

> At all times
> To all people
> Under all circumstances

Here's a tea toast: To the future!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kettle Wisdom

It's amazing the life lessons we can learn while preparing tea. Yes, I say PREPARING tea, not to be confused with 1) popping a top, 2) twisting a lid, or 3) emptying a packet of faux crystals. Realizing how quickly all of us tend to speed through our lives' individual moments, we may view taking time to do anything as a luxury rather than a necessity.

SIMPLE TEAKETTLE LOGIC

Before our current high-tech, electric, temperature-controlled, porcelain enameled versions, teakettles worked very simply:

> Insert water
> Apply heat
> Await signal
> Remove heat
> Pour water

What's so profound? Again, I'm glad you ask, i.e. a very good indicator that you are still reading. Please consider the teakettle itself. The amount of water inserted inside is based on the kettle's volume capacity, so each teakettle has its own limits. Depending on the job size, however, multiple kettles can be put on the stove and readied simultaneously.

TEAKETTLE TEACHING

Regardless of capacity, there is only one way to produce hot water from cold: apply heat. Heat, i.e. friction, opposition, adversity, etc., results in expansion, growth and progress. Heat also causes internal pressure and that pressure strains, or presses, against the teakettle's very capacity limits. Sometimes we can observe the kettle trembling slightly over the heat source. This is an outward clue of what's occurring inwardly. Something is about to happen.

Then, it happens. A sound. A whistle, sometimes shrill but always loud and unmistakable. This sound calls for attention, indicating the kettle's contents are ready for the next step. In other words, remove the heat.

A teakettle's whistle reminds me that despite how pressured I personally may feel at any given time, I must remain exposed to the heat long enough to become purposefully productive. When that time comes, then release the sound of one who's endured and, therefore, has a right to sing loud and strong.

AFTER THE WHISTLE BLOWS

There's more to a teakettle than its whistle. After the whistle, expect to be poured out. Timing is indeed everything. For example, removing the kettle prior to its siren song may result in lukewarm water, especially unproductive for black tea. Conversely, leaving a teakettle singing indefinitely may cause its contents to evaporate. So,

> Know when to wait
> Know when to sing
> Sing loud enough to release internal pressure
> Expect to be poured out

Go ahead, someone's waiting -- and you have exactly what's needed. Pour it out.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

An Oolong State of Mind

Solitude is a healing balm and my personal antidote for the bites everyday life inflicts. I firmly believe that in order to give our best to others that we must first take the time to cultivate the best within ourselves. As a result, time alone creates a platform to examine one's thoughts, emotions and actions in order to maintain a proper perspective. Solitude encourages introspection, meditation and relaxation.

BECOMING A LIFELONG LEARNER OF RELAXATION
Most people simply do not know how to relax. Relaxation is a learned skill; however, it is important not to confuse rest with laziness. As Americans, we daily tend to rush to and fro, hurry from task to task, juggle appointments and then brag about how busy we manage to keep ourselves. For fear of being branded a "slacker", we are often tempted to find more ways to "do more", i.e. to overextend, and to devote less time to "menial" chores like sleep. Thinly disguised insecurities tend to create illusions of indispensablility. However, no one is indispensable.

Picture now adding these ingredients to our daily personal roux -- noise, distractions, miscommunication, information overload -- and the result is a life gumbo chockful of frazzled nerves. Have you ever been so fatigued that you lost mental track of the time of day? Or woke up more tired than when you went to bed? If continued, then this path leads to a physical and mental emotional roller coaster for which we just want to see an exit sign. Patience goes out the door. In fact, everything goes out the door. Wait! Please come away from window, put the chair down, and keep reading.

Inhale. Exhale. Relax.

While attending massage therapy school (and after completing my masters program), I studied the physiological effects of massage therapy. The relaxation derived from a one-hour massage, regardless of modality (e.g. Swedish, shiatsu, etc.) is equivalent to four hours' worth of sleep. Actor/comedian Bob Hope, who died a centenarian, was often cited as a strong advocate for daily massage sessions. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the daily relaxation opportunities during my school tenure, my graduation necessitated an increased frequency of these alternative relaxation methods: Pilates and tea.

OOLONG TEA AS AN OBJECT LESSON
Oolong tea is the tea type that reflects the relaxation process itself: it starts out very tightly rolled in knots. Apply the proper amount of heat and oolong tea begins to unwind, stretch out to its full leaf length, and releases its taste and aroma. The leaves unfurl more with every infusion, so the flavor profile changes as a result. In other words, we get to the real essence as the tea unwinds. Oolong tea reminds me of our lives: the more invested, the more returned. That sentiment encourages me to get away and enjoy another cup of oolong -- or book my next massage appointment. In either case, it makes an uncluttered mind that much more attainable.

Worth Doing Well

One of the things I enjoy about taking tea is that it can be done anywhere and anytime. Whether in a formal tea salon with others or alone in a favorite quiet corner at home, tea allows one to forget everything at least for as the cup needs refilling. Again, the key point is not how you do it but that you do it.

Like all children, I learned about taking tea from the adults who surrounded me. I must also say that I was blessed to grow up around phenomenonal women who knew how to take the ordinary and turn it, seemingly effortlessly, into the extraordinary. Each had her own style, but style was the common thread. Anything worth doing, I learned, was worth doing well.

PREPARING THE WAY FOR GOOD CONVERSATION

Whenever someone would visit, either expected or unexpected, refreshments were offered. Often the kettle would be filled with cold water and placed over a gas pilot to boil. While waiting for the unmistakable kettle whistle, the visitor was invited to sit down to table. Then my grandmother, aunt, or mother would go about preparing tea and refreshments.

As our guest watched my relative make the preparations, the visitor would become visibly more relaxed and then the talking began. At this point, I would ask to be excused (before being asked to excuse myself). From the next room, I could hear the sounds of punctuated laughter. This sound let me know that whatever brought the visitor upon arrival, the tea and company would help our guest feel better upon departure.

Once Upon an Oolong

Curiosity is a strong indicator that our brain cells have not yet died. As long as we still have active brains, then learning is possible. However, humility must accompany curiosity because it takes humility to recognize and to admit that there is something to learn.

So it was with my curious colleague friend. A journalist by trade, she knew that I "liked" tea but readily admitted that she knew nothing about it. However, she wanted to learn about tea. A new tea convert?! How could I refuse? I promptly extended her an invitation to her first tea tasting.

In my experience, once someone tastes a properly prepared cup of tea, then their perspective about the drink and its customs alters considerably. For such a momentous occasion, I wanted to immerse my inquisitive comrade in tea culture.

LUH YU TEA EMPORIUM - FLUSHING, NY

Flushing, located in the New York borough of Queens, is home to 173,826 residents, 43.1% of which identified themselves as Asian during the 2000 United States Census. Those who seek authentic Asian cuisine (e.g. Thai, Malaysian, Indian, Chinese, Korean, etc.) make the 10-mile journey from Manhattan to Flushing, an easy 7 subway train ride to Main Street - Flushing.

Stepping down into Luh Yu Tea Emporium, we were warmly greeted by owner Annie Ro and Luh Yu's display of clay teapots. Once I explained our mission -- introduce my friend to our world of tea -- then the exploring began. We drank and savored Bi Lo Chun (green), Dong Ding Oolong and a Yunnan so spectacular that no one noticed the rain that started pouring profusely outside; we busied ourselves with drinking tea profusely inside. Our conversation covered several topics: tea origin, Chinese medicine, massage, benefits and customs. My participation surprised Annie, who pronounced me "half Chinese" and shared her local restaurant favorites.

Since then, I'm happy to say that my colleague friend now properly prepares her green tea, complete with rinsing the leaves, not boiling the water and warming the pot. Thanks to fellow tea enthusiasts, another person has been rescued from the perils of tea ignorance.

Finding Tea Room to Breathe

Constant pressure makes our need for relaxation even more acute. Regardless of how wonderful our family, friends and/or work may be, there comes a time when unplugging from all of the above ceases to be a suggestion and becomes an imperative.

So it occurred to me one Saturday. I was on a mission to:

• Change scenery


• Step away from the routine


• Encounter a new tea experience

Enjoying Changing Scenery

Accompanied by a courageous friend undaunted by my impromptu adventures, we headed toward the hills. The previous night's rain induced the fall foliage to start its transition. As a result, we viewed an unfolding and glorious display of red, gold, and bronze leaves. Truly this was precisely the scenery change our weary souls craved.

It amazes me how easily conversation flows when we make a conscious effort to break away from routine tasks. Although the trip was 40 miles to our destination, it was a prime opportunity to unwind verbally, to enjoy unrestrained laughter, and to congratulate ourselves on our successful escape. Before we became too giddy, however, our insistent GPS guide would sternly remind us of our mission goals. No, she was not amused.

Focusing on Relaxation

Sufficiently chastened, we safely arrived at our destination: Charlotte's Tea Room in Warwick, NY. Admiring the tea saucer-lined pathway, we entered the spacious home prepared to unwind even further.

Instead, we found ourselves sharing space with a boisterous, three generation, feminine family reunion. I personally appreciate family as my family gatherings are anything but quiet. How did we resolve it? Did we move to another area?! No. This required focus: we determined ourselves to relax and to enjoy the charming Victorian decor, the friendly service, and the overall cheerful atmosphere.

It wasn't until our neighbors left that we noticed the soothing classical music softly playing in the background. That one adjustment ushered us into the "Wooo-Saaah" zone (read: breathe in, breathe out).


Charlotte's Tea Room (Warwick, NY)

Charlotte's Tea Room offers a wide assortment of Harney & Sons teas (http://www.harney.com/). We selected "Chinese Flower", a blend of hand plucked Chinese green tea, three types of flowers, and citrus flavors. The tea paired beautifully with the Curried Chicken Salad tea sandwich, creating a citrus and spicy symphony for the palate.


Although our knowledgeable server informed us the damp weather prevented their import of clotted cream, lemon curd was available. My cranberry scone received this offering graciously and filled any remaining void.

The dessert course makes or breaks an afternoon tea. Our dessert selection, the Cheesecake Petit Fours, was a deceptively small yet rich plan to encourage abandoning any existing dietary restraints. As I thankfully have none, I greeted each one as a long lost friend. We left Charlotte's Tea Room and Warwick full and satisfied. Mission accomplished.